Why is there a sequel, and why does it go so far as to make sure there will never be another sequel again. This movie is not just bland, but painfully irritating.
The game is based off tomb raider, again. The Character you barely new before are back, again. The terrible, wanna be Indiana Jones action scenes are of course back again. Except this time you feel like your not there, The backrounds and scenery are so poor that I feel i could have gone to my backyard and filmed some rocks, some trees for jungle, and maybe go Downtown, for China. Seriously, this was almost unpassable, the story line isnt there but when I feel like im not there, most people would walk out.
There is a plot and characters but it involves constant explaining and basing off a fairy tale. Except if you took that fairy tale and poored acid all over it, which is quite literally what they do. And in the process they burned the hell out of everything else, where did all that money go.
David's score:
1.0 out of 5.0
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Tomb Raider Movie Review
Tomb raider is the example of a very sub par movie, it really just put my mind to sleep while I was watching. But at least it was entertaining and Angelina Jolie was pretty much the perfect role. This film is like a dumb truck of fan service.
The story is bland and it actually sets it self up clearly to be based off the game. Which one... I have no clue, and this movie drowned in boring action sequences and an extremely weak plot. It was more like I was being told what was going to happen then watching it unfold. You're introduced to a handful of characters.Yet, the only one that has any depth at all is Lara's father, and oh wait, hes dead.
For a British type Indian Jones character, Jolie does not portray a tuff, dive into action women, at all, but I constantly wonder if that's because of the script that's loaded with bullshit to the highest degree. Explanation after explanation after explanation, and none of it is even engageing. This is one movie that failed from the get go and should have been rewritten, crazy enough there is a sequel.
David's Score
2.0 out of 5.0
The story is bland and it actually sets it self up clearly to be based off the game. Which one... I have no clue, and this movie drowned in boring action sequences and an extremely weak plot. It was more like I was being told what was going to happen then watching it unfold. You're introduced to a handful of characters.Yet, the only one that has any depth at all is Lara's father, and oh wait, hes dead.
For a British type Indian Jones character, Jolie does not portray a tuff, dive into action women, at all, but I constantly wonder if that's because of the script that's loaded with bullshit to the highest degree. Explanation after explanation after explanation, and none of it is even engageing. This is one movie that failed from the get go and should have been rewritten, crazy enough there is a sequel.
David's Score
2.0 out of 5.0
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Doom Movie Review
Doom was definatly a memorable game, so this movie had a real chance to be memorable as well. I feel that although it was a good movie, came up short on some aspects.
The Story was actually intriguing and solid enough to keep you tagging along. However, some of the backround or diaolouge of characters in the end seemed very pointless. It really added nothing to the movie, nor did it take away. That's not to say the acting was bad, in fact the cast for this movie was very well picked. I thought it was funny when "The Kid" dies and there are maybe 30 seconds where everyone feels remorse. The plot picks up right after though, like what just happened didn't matter.
The design of the movie was cool, but I really was hoping for a big feel or large environment, They seem to use the same 3 or 4 sets over again. The lab, The Arc, The Sewers, and Hallways. On top of that you dont see any major amount of eniemies till the end. A small complaint for a movie that tries to give a feel of something BIG. The BFG (Big Fucking Gun) is about the only thing thats huge here.
At 1 hour and 26 minutes is probably the most noticable and creative part of this movie. It's short and the FPS (First Person Shooter) look is only used for about 5 minutes here, and maybe a few seconds if you look closely throughout the movie. The Scene pays homage to the original series in the coolest way. This scene was so genious it makes me wonder, why not do something original and have a good majority of the movie from this viewpoint? They really hit on something big here but just like this movie it got downsized.
David's score
3.0 out of 5.0
The Story was actually intriguing and solid enough to keep you tagging along. However, some of the backround or diaolouge of characters in the end seemed very pointless. It really added nothing to the movie, nor did it take away. That's not to say the acting was bad, in fact the cast for this movie was very well picked. I thought it was funny when "The Kid" dies and there are maybe 30 seconds where everyone feels remorse. The plot picks up right after though, like what just happened didn't matter.
The design of the movie was cool, but I really was hoping for a big feel or large environment, They seem to use the same 3 or 4 sets over again. The lab, The Arc, The Sewers, and Hallways. On top of that you dont see any major amount of eniemies till the end. A small complaint for a movie that tries to give a feel of something BIG. The BFG (Big Fucking Gun) is about the only thing thats huge here.
At 1 hour and 26 minutes is probably the most noticable and creative part of this movie. It's short and the FPS (First Person Shooter) look is only used for about 5 minutes here, and maybe a few seconds if you look closely throughout the movie. The Scene pays homage to the original series in the coolest way. This scene was so genious it makes me wonder, why not do something original and have a good majority of the movie from this viewpoint? They really hit on something big here but just like this movie it got downsized.
David's score
3.0 out of 5.0
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Super Mario Bros Movie Review
I remember seeing this movie and practicly jumping out of my seat when I heard the classic theme song. Five seconds later my excitment was crushed and I realized then this movie was going to suck. Don't worry folks, it did suck, in every sence of the word.
Lets get things strait first I already hate the fact when movies are made based off games with a very loose plot, or even one at all. However, i still rate all these movies like if I were seeing the movie, ignoring the title and sitting down, accepting what they give me. I give every movie a chance to impress me.
This movie was not in the least bit impressive. It's another twisted story line, that's completly unintresting. I think this movie was like sticking it to everyone who loved the series and making you sit through an hour and 40 minutes of bordem. It's not nostalgic at all, in fact it fails to make me angry cause I actually fell asleep watching it and had to go back trying to watch it from where I left off. The acting is terrible too. The film had a decent cast but I blame that on the writers who thought it would be funny to not be funny. I couldn't decide if this movie was trying to be serious even. Even the camera shots, lighting, set design, and characters outfits are terribly uninspiring. I don't even want to rant on, cause it really is one of my least favorite films.
This movie is no different from the other mario movie, neither should exist and thats why I give them zeros.
David's Score
0.0 out of 5.0
Lets get things strait first I already hate the fact when movies are made based off games with a very loose plot, or even one at all. However, i still rate all these movies like if I were seeing the movie, ignoring the title and sitting down, accepting what they give me. I give every movie a chance to impress me.
This movie was not in the least bit impressive. It's another twisted story line, that's completly unintresting. I think this movie was like sticking it to everyone who loved the series and making you sit through an hour and 40 minutes of bordem. It's not nostalgic at all, in fact it fails to make me angry cause I actually fell asleep watching it and had to go back trying to watch it from where I left off. The acting is terrible too. The film had a decent cast but I blame that on the writers who thought it would be funny to not be funny. I couldn't decide if this movie was trying to be serious even. Even the camera shots, lighting, set design, and characters outfits are terribly uninspiring. I don't even want to rant on, cause it really is one of my least favorite films.
This movie is no different from the other mario movie, neither should exist and thats why I give them zeros.
David's Score
0.0 out of 5.0
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Super Mario Bros Anime Review
Probably one of the worst things to come out of Japan, this movie actually had a theatrical release in 1986. I reviewed sonic so you know I had to be fair and review his "supposivly" nintendo rival. This one may be worse. Even Bowser saying "Peachie Chan" can't save this one.
The visuals are ok for 1986 but the concept is definatly not ok. You have to be on all sorts of drugs to even enjoy this. It is not the mario world you remember. Everything is Giant Size, people seem to be able to defy every element of physics, and things are strait out strange. For the time the visuals arnt really to passable, considering there was alot of great anime starting to appear around that time in Japan.
At first I was intrigued by Mario playing his games in the opening and Luigi being a nagging brother. But then my intrest crumbled as plot line litterally became scewed into a sick alternate universe of Super Mario Brothers. Peach's moses like father, the alternate smash brothers colors of the brothers, the toastools who are mushrooms mario eats, and the mind numbing ending of peach marrying a prince??? The musical scores didn't help in the least bit; awful J-whatever making this an even more painful experience.
There are no memorable moments, no developement, no pleasing look to the film, you will not find anything here entertaining, and mario would not approve. This is hard to find for a very good reason. If you ask me all copys of this film should be burried far beneath Japan, never to be viewed by human eyes again.
David's score:
0.0 out of 5.0
Here are the youtube links but I really recomend you prepare. Keep the memories of nintendo close to your mind, you may not come out the same.
Mario Anime -Peach-hime Kyushutsu Dai Sakusen
The visuals are ok for 1986 but the concept is definatly not ok. You have to be on all sorts of drugs to even enjoy this. It is not the mario world you remember. Everything is Giant Size, people seem to be able to defy every element of physics, and things are strait out strange. For the time the visuals arnt really to passable, considering there was alot of great anime starting to appear around that time in Japan.
At first I was intrigued by Mario playing his games in the opening and Luigi being a nagging brother. But then my intrest crumbled as plot line litterally became scewed into a sick alternate universe of Super Mario Brothers. Peach's moses like father, the alternate smash brothers colors of the brothers, the toastools who are mushrooms mario eats, and the mind numbing ending of peach marrying a prince??? The musical scores didn't help in the least bit; awful J-whatever making this an even more painful experience.
There are no memorable moments, no developement, no pleasing look to the film, you will not find anything here entertaining, and mario would not approve. This is hard to find for a very good reason. If you ask me all copys of this film should be burried far beneath Japan, never to be viewed by human eyes again.
David's score:
0.0 out of 5.0
Here are the youtube links but I really recomend you prepare. Keep the memories of nintendo close to your mind, you may not come out the same.
Mario Anime -Peach-hime Kyushutsu Dai Sakusen
Sonic the Hedgehog Movie Review
Sonic really come to a speedy halt in this movie and there a reason I don't mention this movie when I speak of my collection. I'm reviewing this due to hearing rumors of a new Sonic movie in the works. The visual appeal of this movie is attrocious, and makes me wonder how Japan, let alone Sega, could let this come into existence.
If I remember correctly the movie was a two part OVAs realeased way back in Japan, 1996. The animation to me is unexcusably bad. I think by watching this again, I realized how they got the idea for Shin-Chan. The end battle animation between metal sonic and sonic is so terrible and the cuts are painfull to watch. The only nottible moment of this entire movie was a 3 minutes scene that pays omage to sonic the hedgehog game. You might as well watch the Opening and Ending of Sonic CD, those were about the same length and far superior quality of anime.
Don't get me started on the diaologe, It's terrible in either language. Americas take on the dubbing is not only incorrect, it sounds awful. Knuckles wearing a dumbass cowboy hat has a southern US accent that seems to change regions. The rest of the characters are bad and this is a movie that should show voice actors how not to act. Sonic's voice litterally falls in and out of character. What a lack of respect.
The Story is the only mediocare, if even considered that. Listen, I am a true blue sonic fan. I even have issue #18 hanging from my wall, only long with the rest of the games, and comics. Sonic The Hedgehog Next Gen, The Secret Rings, Unleashed; they all suffer from the same disease. This disease has been rampant in SEGA for a while now, they have forgotten what makes sonic so amazing. Re-create sonic my ass, they need to take a blast to the past and return to the fast paced, simple, fun. We dont need another sonic movie, even fans like myself had to have been disapointed by the 1999 (US) release.
David's score
0.5 out of 5.0
If I remember correctly the movie was a two part OVAs realeased way back in Japan, 1996. The animation to me is unexcusably bad. I think by watching this again, I realized how they got the idea for Shin-Chan. The end battle animation between metal sonic and sonic is so terrible and the cuts are painfull to watch. The only nottible moment of this entire movie was a 3 minutes scene that pays omage to sonic the hedgehog game. You might as well watch the Opening and Ending of Sonic CD, those were about the same length and far superior quality of anime.
Don't get me started on the diaologe, It's terrible in either language. Americas take on the dubbing is not only incorrect, it sounds awful. Knuckles wearing a dumbass cowboy hat has a southern US accent that seems to change regions. The rest of the characters are bad and this is a movie that should show voice actors how not to act. Sonic's voice litterally falls in and out of character. What a lack of respect.
The Story is the only mediocare, if even considered that. Listen, I am a true blue sonic fan. I even have issue #18 hanging from my wall, only long with the rest of the games, and comics. Sonic The Hedgehog Next Gen, The Secret Rings, Unleashed; they all suffer from the same disease. This disease has been rampant in SEGA for a while now, they have forgotten what makes sonic so amazing. Re-create sonic my ass, they need to take a blast to the past and return to the fast paced, simple, fun. We dont need another sonic movie, even fans like myself had to have been disapointed by the 1999 (US) release.
David's score
0.5 out of 5.0
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Dead Space: Downfall Review
I almost missed this pretty decent movie considering it went strait to DVD. Running time is about hour 20 minutes so i can see why. Dead Space: Downfall is the prequel to the game on the Xbox360, PS3, and the PC. I was surprised to find that for an American 2d animated movie this is surprisingly good. There plenty of horror and gore, the musical score helps keep the feeling throughout the feature. And the voice acting is superb, for once its done by a bunch of people who (gasp) know how to act with there voice! I also still think the guy who plays captain of ishimura sounds like Pete from goof troop. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
The Story is strong here too, seeing as it does follow the plot of the game. Its nothing to mind blowing, but if you hadn't played the game I could see some major confusion on plot line, especially in the beginning. Nothing is really explained you eventually get the gist of things toward the end. The whole idea of the colony, and evil creatures lurk there, who now got on bored the ship and this girl and her team have to kill them. Yet, besides this there is no explanation as to why. I suppose that's there way of saying "buy the game" which for some I could see working. However, beware, some of the dialogue is changed from movie to game, even the events between doc and the captain are set up a little differently in the game. But its nothing to fret over and still gets the overall gist of things.
I would say this definitely deserves a rent, and if your a fan of the relatively new series I could even see a purchase of this. I like the animation but I can not say love because to me the game is what is rendered lovely. In fact if this movie was a big CG that looked like the game I might have been even more impressed. But I take what I can get, and Dead Space Downfall is certainly good.
David's Score
3.5 out of 5.0
3.5 out of 5.0
Monday, January 26, 2009
My Bloody Valentines Day Review
My Bloody Valentine wastes no time, within the first few minutes gore is covering the screen. In fact the movie keeps this fast pace gory murders with dashes of ridiculous, almost laughable dialogue. I wouldn't go see this movie for the story, considering the plot is very light and does not offer much in depth. However, it is entertaining and managed to keep me wondering what else could this sick killer do and also how many disturbing ways one can be killed with a pick axe.
The 1981 original got a face lift and that's all really, nicer camera, better looking gore, and 3D...Actually I really do not understand why this movie was in 3D. It could have just as well been without, aside from a gun or fire floating across the screen, it irks me a little bit to have to pay extra for 3D and those dumb glasses. If I'm gonna see a movie in 3D i want every scene to be eye popping and making me say "holy shit I can't believe its Three Dimensions!" Don't worry kids, you do get to see some bouncing 3D titties, I'm sure that's a new one.
So if your looking for a good gore film, this will deliver. Want anything else, I suggest you go rent a classic horror, and no not the original unless you want to watch the same movie downgraded or upgraded which ever you look at it this movie is worth a watch but nothing to write home about.
David's Score:
2.5 out of 5.0
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
